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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24922447">You'll be okay</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crescent_Blues/pseuds/Crescent_Blues'>Crescent_Blues</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Daredevil (TV), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Road Trip, And Transformers, Group chat, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Multi, Nostalgia, References to 80s cartoons, Team Red Pride Bang 2020, Trans Peter Parker, Transitioning, leave me alone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 07:29:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,391</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24922447</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crescent_Blues/pseuds/Crescent_Blues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is a really nice hotel, Ned.”<br/>Ned shrugs and MJ snorts.<br/>“It’s Harry’s credit card, not ours.”<br/>“That’s true.” He allows. “But do you think Norman’ll be mad?”<br/>MJ looks at him like he’s stupid.<br/>“Peter, that’s half the appeal.”<br/>He grimaces. “But what if he turns into a goblin monster again?”</p><p> </p><p>(Peter goes on a spontaneous road trip with Ned and MJ and tries to find something to be happy about again. Matt and Wade are twice as unhelpful long distance as they in person. And, years in the past, Peter figures out what it means to be him)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Parker &amp; May Parker (Spider-Man) &amp; Peter Parker, Matt Murdock &amp; Peter Parker &amp; Wade Wilson, Michelle Jones &amp; Ned Leeds &amp; Peter Parker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Team Red Pride Bang</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You'll be okay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was a blatant excuse to write about Peter having my Transformers opinions imma be honest. Just a little bit.<br/>Also with some nostalgia and good family dynamics and maybe just a dash of projection and healing.</p><p>Songs for this, I think, would be Obstacles and To All of You by Syd Matters, the Discovery album by Daft Punk, the Pray for the Wicked album by Panic!, Summer Nights by SIAMES, and Home by Cavetown</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There’s a concave in his chest.</p><p>A rusted knife between his ribs.</p><p>A hollowness in his lungs.</p><p>He’s tired.</p><p>He’s so, so tired.</p><p>Exhaustion weighs down his bones and sends his thoughts scattering to the wind.</p><p>Music drifts through his headphones, and lights flash outside his window, red and green, red and green.</p><p>The neighbors are arguing.</p><p>There’s a cat in the alley.</p><p>A storm front is rolling in.</p><p>His arm is broken.</p><p>He’s <em> tired. </em></p><p>He doesn’t–</p><p>There’s no energy left in his bones.</p><p>No feeling left in his heart.</p><p>He feels empty.</p><p>Lost.</p><p>Tired tired tired, but in a way so familiar it’s almost apathy.</p><p>His door opens, and light floods through the opening.</p><p>MJ stands there with a bag over her shoulders and an old blood stain on her jacket.</p><p>“Let’s go on a road trip.”</p><p>His mind is blank.</p><p>And he says, “Okay.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>SM:  </b>im going out of town</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b> r u “going out of town” or “Going Out of Town”</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>first one</p><p> </p><p><b>DD:</b> Everything alright?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i need out for a while</p><p> </p><p><b>DP:</b> ah</p><p> </p><p><b>DP:</b> Self Care</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>knew you had it in you!</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>thanks Wade</p><p> </p><p><b>DP:</b> np baby boy!</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Is there anything you need us to do?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>keep an eye on Queens. My aunt. make sure no one blows up NY</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>no promises but we’ll do our best!</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>That</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>you really know how to inspire a guy</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>thanks! it’s a talent</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Pete! C’mon, the commercial’s almost over!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He gasps and snatches up his new robot, rushing into the living room and almost hitting the coffee table. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ben grabs him by the middle before he can skid into the tabletop and lifts him up onto the couch in one smooth motion. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He can see May smiling in the kitchen, still in her scrubs and unwrapping the to-go breakfast she bought. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s Saturday, and she doesn’t have to work tomorrow, so they can all sit together and eat a meal on the couch. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What episode are we on, Star Command?” She asks over her shoulder, and Peter scowls even though he’s laughing. </em>
</p><p><em> “That’s the wrong </em> show, <em> May! This isn’t Star Trek, it’s </em>Transformers!”</p><p>
  <em> Ben is laughing behind his hands and May isn’t even bothering to hide it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m so sorry, Peter,” she chokes out between laughs, “How could I ever confuse the two?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Because you’re tired,” he states matter of factly, and Ben starts to laugh harder. “Don’t worry though. We’re watching Scooby Doo after this, and you never mix that up with anything.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May walks over and kisses the top of his head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ll do better, next time. Promise.” </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“This is a terrible idea,” Ned says tiredly, but he’s got bags over his shoulder too.</p><p>Peter holds his arm a little closer to his body as MJ continues to bargain with her dad for the car, so far unsuccessfully.</p><p>He shrugs.</p><p>“I never said it was smart. Just that we were going.”</p><p>Ned snorts and exhales through his nose.</p><p>“Yeah, alright.” He looks thoughtful for a moment. “Do you think we’d have more luck with Harry?”</p><p>Peter considers that.</p><p>It’s not like anyone would stop them.</p><p>Norman certainly wouldn’t.</p><p>Harry had said he was out of town until July.</p><p>“If we’re spending his dad’s money, totally.” He decides.</p><p>Ned grins before cupping his hands over his mouth and hollering, “MJ!”</p><p>She holds up a hand in front of her dad and swivels to face them, murder on her face, mouth opening–</p><p>“What if we asked Harry?” Ned yells.</p><p>MJ pauses, right before her scheming face rears its head.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>DP: </b>omg baby osborn bought u guys a car?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>we had to convince him not to buy several. he got really excited at the idea of spending his dad’s money for something decided on a whim</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Should have told him to buy more and then donated them.</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i think he’d love doing that. i’ll suggest it</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Good</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>ask him for more things</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>baby osborn wants 2 b rebellious? BUY EVERYTHING</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>no</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Yes</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>NO</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>YES</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>M A T T</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>P E T E R</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>omg how did you do that redthew?</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>None of your business</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>DON’T INTERRUPT THE STAND OFF WADE</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>hahaha the girls are fighting</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter squints at his old clothes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There’s nothing wrong with them, they just…  </em>
</p><p><em> They’re not </em>him.</p><p>
  <em> May crouches down beside him, her knees popping as she leans her elbows on them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What’s the plan, champ? You wanna burn ‘em or donate ‘em?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter’s gaze snaps over to her, alarmed. </em>
</p><p>“Burn <em> them?”  </em></p><p>
  <em> May shrugs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t know your process, baby.” She explains. “This is about making you more comfortable. And if you want to burn your old clothes, then I guess we’re burning them. Or shredding them or cutting them up or donating them. Whatever you want.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter clenches his hands into fists and leans into May. </em>
</p><p>What does he want?</p><p>
  <em> He… he just wants them gone.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He doesn’t really care how. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But donating them would… they would go to someone who needed them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There was nothing wrong with them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They would be useful again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Donate them to FEAST?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May smiles and kisses his hair, cut shorter than it’s ever been just yesterday. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Sounds like a plan, kiddo.” </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The landscape blurs past them in a haze of color, bridge supports blurring into brownstones.</p><p>MJ’s got first shift of driving, hands loose on the wheel as Ned fiddles with the radio and Peter stretches out his legs across the back seats.</p><p>“Are you gonna be okay with the others watching New York?” MJ asks after a stretch of shifting channels.</p><p>He crosses his arms and curls further into the seat, feet touching the side of the right door.</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” is what he says.</p><p>There’s a sighing noise as they slow to a red light.</p><p>“That’s not what I asked, bug boy.” She twists and leans over the center console. “I asked if you <em> are </em> okay. Not if you will be.”</p><p>He takes a deep breath as Ned throws up his hands and just connects the car to his phone with Bluetooth.</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” he repeats softly.</p><p>The light turns green, and MJ goes back to looking at the road.</p><p>The opening notes of the <em>Discovery </em>album starts filtering through the speakers.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>SM: </b>what do you do at a beach</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>omg</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Fuck if I know</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>has lil baby city bug never been 2 a beach???</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>first of all</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i hate you</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Ha ha</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>second of all</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i HAVE been to a beach before, fuck you</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>but i was like, baby years old</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Ah, I see</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>RED</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i bet you think you’re so fucking funny, don’t you matthew</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Very. It’s to mask my pain</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>R E D</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>you know what, i’m leaving, neither of you are helpful</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>noooo, peteeerrrrr, come back, we love uuuuu</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>nope, goodbye, see you never</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>I never see anything</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>MATT IM GOING TO KILL YOU</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>RED YOURE ON FIRE TODAY</p><p> </p><p><b>DD:</b> It's because I'm burning in Hell</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>why are we friends why are we friends why are we frie</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter tells his parents after May and Ben have already started putting things in motion. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> After they’ve cut his hair and changed his clothes and picked out new toys. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s over a video call, because his parents are always busy and away, but it feels important to not keep it a secret. </em>
</p><p><em> To not have them be a million billion miles away and think </em> daughter <em> and not </em>son.</p><p>
  <em> It doesn’t even occur to him to be scared. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nervous maybe, but not scared. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> His parents love him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They tell him all the time. </em>
</p><p><em> So they should love </em> him, <em> shouldn’t they? </em></p><p>
  <em> He doesn’t let them get a word in, doesn’t even let them say hello, just blurts out that his name is Peter now and he’s a boy and he likes robots and science and dinosaurs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They’re quiet for a long moment that makes Ben’s knuckles go white and May’s face tighten, but then his mom smiles as she says, “It’s good to see you Peter,” and his dad laughs out a, “How’s it going, buddy?” and everything feels lighter. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Everything feels okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter’s smiling right back as he explains that Adora is obviously cooler than Adam, May resting a hand on his shoulder and Ben holding him up to the screen. </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>MJ takes them north and all the way to a beach with a handful of people and air that smells like salt.</p><p>They change in a rest stop half a mile away and drive back, parking and trudging out a hand full of towels and an umbrella heavy enough that Peter probably shouldn’t be carrying it on his own, but it’s not like anyone is looking too closely.</p><p>Peter finds a spot to lay down on while Ned starts to bury him in sand and MJ curls up to read a book under their umbrella.</p><p>There are seagulls in the sky and waves crashing in his ears.</p><p>People are laughing and the sand is warm.</p><p>Sunshine is shining on the water.</p><p>It feels good.</p><p>Existing in a moment.</p><p>MJ scoffs at something in her book and Ned drops a handful of sand on his legs, laughing to himself.</p><p>Peter closes his eyes and tries to let himself just <em> be, </em>on this beach he doesn’t know with people that he does.</p><p>He even falls asleep.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>SM: </b> <em> [sandguardian.mp4] </em></p><p> </p><p><b>SM:</b> <em>[empiresandbuilding.jpg]</em></p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b> <em> [surfsup.jpg] </em></p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>I can see none of these but Foggy assures me that the waves are nice. He says your sand castle is very impressive. Why were you and Ned screaming at Poseidon</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>its a vine boo-bear</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Ah. Vines. Okay</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Did MJ also have a good time?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>yea. we looked for shells after a couple hours</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>ooo i want one when u get back!!</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>okay</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Did you have a good time, Peter?</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>yea, kiddo, u have a good time?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i think so</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>yeah</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>yeah, i think had a good time</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> When they go to the funeral, Peter wears a suit like Ben. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It was just supposed to be a normal trip, and then they would come home again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Like they always did. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But they aren’t. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Not this time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Not ever. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There’s a woman with red hair that he’s seen in the background of his parent’s calls standing next to a man with an eyepatch and a man with hearing aids. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Eyepatch man has his wrinkles drawn in a frown that looks tight. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hearing aid man looks dull and washed out next to him, an arm looped through the red haired woman’s for support. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She looks blank. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She’s also the only other person besides May and Ben that he knows. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s a thin knowledge at best. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But Peter had seen her laugh at his dad’s bad jokes before. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She’d known his parents. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And she was mourning too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Not just showing up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter would thank her for caring if he didn’t feel so empty. </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Ned takes the next driving shift and MJ takes the radio.</p><p>Peter doesn’t think that they’re really driving anywhere specific.</p><p>Just.</p><p>Driving.</p><p>Away from the beach.</p><p>Maybe Ned has a destination in mind, or he has his phone set to somewhere, but Peter can’t really tell.</p><p>He’s not super bothered about it.</p><p>It’s been… a long time since he wasn’t super bothered by everything.</p><p>There’s the car’s engine, and Ned’s humming, and MJ hissing through her teeth as she scrolls through albums, and the wind whistling past them, but other than that, there’s no real other sounds.</p><p>Other cars, maybe.</p><p>But not really anything else.</p><p>Ned pulled them off the long strip of tarmac at some point back where Peter wasn’t paying attention, and now they’re on backroads.</p><p>Paved but dusty, the signs half overgrown and trees arching above.</p><p>There’s mail boxes every couple of yards, actual mailboxes with the little red flags, and gravel driveways.</p><p>It feels like a different kind of world out here.</p><p>Far, far away from New York.</p><p>And then MJ makes an <em> ah hah! </em> noise, and there’s a half second of silence before <em> High Hopes </em> and trumpets start blasting through the speakers.</p><p>Ned starts laughing.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>SM: </b>guys I just saw Ned’s phone at this rest stop he’s taking us to NIAGARA</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>yall cute</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Foggy wants pictures.</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i was gonna anyway can we PLEASE focus on the NIAGARA part of this</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>whats there 2 focus on</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>SM: </b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>none of you are helpful im calling the caps</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>I think it’s because he’s wanted to do photography at Niagara since he saw a picture of it on Instagram or something and was offended by the lens flare.</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>ding ding ding we have a winner</p><p> </p><p><b>DP:</b> ah</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>spite motivator then</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>when have i not been motivated by spite, wade</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>when u were wee and young and full of the desire to break obscure laws</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>yeah well i have to pay taxes now</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>it changes a man</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>just do what i do</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>tax evasion</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>WADE</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>i kid i kid</p><p> </p><p><b>SM:</b> do you though?</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>but do i tho</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>JINX</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>oh my god</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “The Hex Girls are the best characters, obviously.” Peter tells his new friend Ned very seriously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ned nods furiously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Duh! They’re like, all goth and cool and stuff!” He wrinkles his nose. “I never trusted that author guy. He was too nice.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Okay, so like, you watch Scooby Doo,” Peter starts, “but do you watch Transformers and Star Trek?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ned makes an offended noise. </em>
</p><p><em> “Of </em> course <em> I do. Mama has us all watch Star Trek on Fridays and Transformers was my mom’s favorite when she was a kid and we watch the reruns every Saturday.”  </em></p><p>
  <em> Peter beams. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I watch them with my Uncle Ben!” He laughs. “Who’s your favorite?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ned hmms.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “My favorite Autobot is probably Wheeljack. He’s a cool inventor and stuff.” Ned says. “Favorite Decepticon is Tripticon. He’s a huge dinosaur.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter gasps. </em>
</p><p><em> “How could your favorite be Tripticon when Soundwave is </em>right there!”</p><p>
  <em> Ned raises an eyebrow, but it looks like he’s trying not to laugh. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “He doesn’t turn into a giant dinosaur.” </em>
</p><p><em> “Oh my gosh, friendship ended.” </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> Ned starts cackling behind his hands and Peter laughs too. </em></p><p>
  <em> He pretends he can’t see Eugene, sitting far, far away with his new friends and a grin on his face that looks just as fake as his dad’s. </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“This is a really nice hotel, Ned.”</p><p>Ned shrugs and MJ snorts.</p><p>“It’s Harry’s credit card, not ours.”</p><p>“That’s true.” He allows. “But do you think Norman’ll be mad?”</p><p>MJ looks at him like he’s stupid.</p><p>“Peter, that’s half the appeal.”</p><p>He grimaces. “But what if he turns into a goblin monster again?”</p><p>Wow.</p><p>That sure is a sentence.</p><p>Ned seems to consider that for a moment.</p><p>
  <em> Why is that a thing to genuinely consider? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Why? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What god did he wrong? </em>
</p><p>He should ask Thor.</p><p>He knows things.</p><p>“It’ll be fine.” Ned decides. “All else fails, doesn’t Matt really wanna fight animal people? Goblin is like… basically a huge lizard. He’ll have a great time.”</p><p>
  <em> “Oh my god.” </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>SM: </b>he stole all of the blankets</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b> <em> [marshmellow.jpg] </em></p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>me and MJ are plotting a counter attack</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>ur both awake?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i was shaking and it woke her up</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Shaking?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>I can’t thermoregulate Matthew. You know this.</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>omg. full sentences</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>It’s summer? Why are you shaking?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>thermostat is down way cold</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Change the thermostat?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>Ned will overheat. me and MJ run cold. Ned runs hot like a furnace</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Then why does he have all the blankets?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>he steals them and lays on top of them</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>ah. weasel does that</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>why do you know that</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>well u see</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>wait</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>no</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>don’t wanna know</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>i was JUST gonna say its bc ive crashed at his place b4 and ive had 2 wake him up when he’s sleeping on all his blankets </p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>that is. less horrible than it could’ve been</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>i can think of smth worse</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>DON’T</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>DONT.</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>jeez guys. so little faith</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i have so much faith</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Too much, even.</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>exactly</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>ah</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>MJ is done scheming our revenge, gotta go</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>uh huh</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Bye kid</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>sure jan</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>fuck off</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>HA</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “What d’you think of this, sweetie?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter looks up from his math homework to– </em>
</p><p>
  <em> A flag. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What’s that?” He asks curiously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May holds it out a little bit farther from herself, leaning around the edge to look at it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Well, it’s a flag for kids like you– who changed their names and their pronouns and everything– and I just…” She frowns, trailing off. “I just thought you might want one? To know you’re not alone? If you don’t want it though, I think one of my coworkers is transitioning–” </em>
</p><p><em> “There’s a </em> flag <em> for </em>me?”</p><p>
  <em> May stops at his disbelieving tone, and then laughs a little. </em>
</p><p><em> “Well, not </em> just <em> for you kiddo, but basically.” She starts folding it up in her arms. “It’s to show that you’re proud of who you are. I think. I looked at a lot of websites.” </em></p><p>
  <em> Peter feels… warm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Warm and good like the hot chocolate Ben got for them a few weeks ago. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think it’s great!” He near yells, and May startles another laugh. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah? I’m glad.” She stops folding it, letting it all unfurl. “You know where you want it?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He tilts his head and purses his lips. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “My room?” He suggests hesitantly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May grins. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Ben’ll have a cow about hooks in the wall, but I’m sure we can do that.” </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Parking is hell,” Peter announces grandly as he finally walks up to where MJ and Ned are waiting at the entrance.</p><p>“Parking as in the Parker experience or just the literal act of parking?” Ned asks distractedly</p><p>Peter mugs at him.</p><p>“I can’t believe you just asked me that question.”</p><p>MJ looks up from her phone to shoulder bump Ned.</p><p>“Obviously it’s the literal act of parking.” She says conspiratorially. “Peter will complain about his life experience only under pain of death.”</p><p>Ned nods, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.</p><p>“You’re right, you’re right.”</p><p>Peter looks to the sky for maybe some sign of disaster, or divine intervention.</p><p>There’s nothing there.</p><p>It sucks.</p><p>He groans and puts his hands over his face.</p><p>“You guys are the <em> worst,” </em>he whines sadly.</p><p>MJ makes a scoffing noise and bumps into his left side.</p><p>“Pssh. But we’re <em> your </em>the worst.” She croons, and Ned laughs.</p><p>“Yeah, Peter, we’re <em> your </em>the worst.”</p><p>He tosses his hands above his head.</p><p>“Menaces, the lot of you!” Peter crows.</p><p>Ned laughs harder and MJ snorts as she leans into his back.</p><p>“Look out!” Ned yells hysterically. “It’s JJJ!”<br/>
And Peter chokes on his own laughter because his body is a <em> traitor. </em></p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>SM: </b>BEHOLD, A MAN</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b> <em> [mineminemine.mp4] </em></p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>THAT IS A WHOLE ASS SEAGULL WHAT HAPPENED 2 IT</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Foggy and Karen would also like to know</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>I THINK ITS MOLTING REALLY BAD AND THEN GOT IN A FIGHT WITH ANOTHER SEAGULL</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>sounds abt right</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>r u taking pics on ur phone?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>duh</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Don’t you have a really nice camera, kid?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>if i take it out of the Queens or NYC area the hopes and dreams and Ben’s ghost will no longer have the power to keep together</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>also i’ll drop that sucker and start crying and i personally don’t have the kind of time for that</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b> u have? sticky hands?<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>SM: </b>you underestimate the Parker Luck. do not make that mistake</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Ghost? You say ghost? Ghost hunt?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>don’t fucking touch Ben’s ghost</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>akjhfksajh</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>ghost???</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>there’s no earthly way for that camera to still be working so i’ve long since accepted it’s possession</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b> No ghost hunt?<br/>
<br/>
<b>SM: </b>keep your cult shit away from my camera, matthew</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>SUCH DISRESPECT</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>remember when he respected us, dearest redthew</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>He never respected you</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>W O W</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>AAHHHH HA HA </p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>And he was mostly scared of me</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Can’t remember what never happened</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>awww, baby webs was scared of the devil?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>if you were fifteen years old and not scared of the devil of hell’s kitchen in some way then you’re braver than any US marine</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>matt covered in blood in bad lighting was a sight </p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>I wouldn’t know</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>shut up this aint about you</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>hes literally drowning</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>THIS AINT ABOUT HIM</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ve been betrayed by my own body.” Peter grimly tells the ceiling. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May clicks her tongue. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Your body hasn’t betrayed you,” she says sternly. “It’s biology that’s betrayed your body.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter shakes a fist skyward. </em>
</p><p><em> “Biology how </em> could <em> you?” He whines. </em></p><p>
  <em> “Biology cares for no man.” Ben tells him seriously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “A heartless bastard it is.” May intones gravely. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ben gasps so loudly and suddenly that Peter starts halfway off the floor. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oh my god who’s dying–” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “May!” Ben hisses, soundly absolutely scandalized.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May hisses, “Ben!” right back before laughing.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “He’s heard worse at school, I’m sure.” She says. </em>
</p><p><em> Ben mugs at her. “That doesn’t mean you can just–” </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> “It </em> does <em> mean I can just.” She interrupts serenely. “They’re words, Benjamin. </em>Words.”</p><p><em> “They are </em> not <em> and you are a menace to society, May Reily-Parker.” </em></p><p>
  <em> May leans over the counter with a sharks grin, eyes soft and face warm. </em>
</p><p><em> “I may be a menace, but I’m </em> your <em> menace, Mister Benjamin Parker.” She says fondly. </em></p><p>
  <em> Ben raises an eyebrow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “My menace?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May laughs at him </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “And don’t you forget it.” </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“That is unreal.”</p><p>“It’s real.” Peter swears.</p><p>“That shit looks like glitter.”<br/>
“It’s literally just light refractions.” He says for the third time.</p><p>MJ squints skeptically.</p><p>“Unreal.” She says one more time before walking away and up the rest of the stairs.</p><p>Ned is silent on his other shoulder.</p><p>“Do you think it’s unreal too?” He asks wearily.</p><p>Ned doesn’t say anything for a long moment, and then looks up.</p><p>“When was the last time you really enjoyed taking pictures like this, Peter?” He asks softly, so softly Peter barely hears him over the roar of the water.</p><p>He can’t help the defensive rise of his shoulders, and looks away.</p><p>He adjusts the exposure, zooms in some more, and takes another picture of the rushing water.</p><p>He doesn’t know.</p><p>He can’t really remember.</p><p>Peter can feel Ned watching him for another long moment before his weight leans all the way into his side.</p><p>“Yeah,” he says quietly. “I thought so.”</p><p>His hands are shaking just a bit when he adjusts the angle for the next shot.</p><p>“I’m glad you agreed to come on this trip, Peter.” Ned whispers into his shoulder. “You haven’t looked this happy in a long time.”</p><p>He swallows harshly.</p><p>His throat kind of hurts.</p><p>“I’m glad too, Ned.” Peter croaks. </p><p>“I’m glad too.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p><b>SM: </b>have i been unhappy?</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>oof. heavy question baby boy</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>What do you mean?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>have i like</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>Ned said that he hadn’t seen me this happy in a long time today</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>and i don’t understand</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>oh</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Ah</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>u cant b cheerful all the time, honey. thats not ur fault</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>that’s not what i mean</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i know that</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>do u?</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Why did you agree to leave New York, Peter?</p><p> </p><p><b>DD:</b> You hate leaving. It gives you anxiety. So this time, why did you say yes?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i dunno</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i was tired, i guess</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Tired of what?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i don’t know. i just said that</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Think about it</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>take ur time</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>u don’t have 2 kno right away</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>think abt it. really think</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>tired of everything, i guess</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>im exhausted</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>and i always feel awful</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>why do u feel like that, honey?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i don’t KNOW</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>it’s not like i started doing this for the praise or anything</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i just. i did it because of was right</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i became spider-man to help people. and it used to make me feel good</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>how does it make u feel now?</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>worse</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>the newspapers and the cops and the radio show it just</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>im so tired wade</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>and im so tired of being tired</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>You’re not invincible Peter</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>You don’t have to be okay</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>but i WANT to be okay</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>everybody wants 2 b ok honey</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>u just gotta find ur way 2 heal</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>stop being so smart</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>i don’t like it</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>u don’t gotta like it</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>u just have 2 accept it</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>&amp; find something that makes u happy again</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>that could take like a million years, wade</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>this isn’t going to last forever</p><p> </p><p><b>SM: </b>we’re coming back eventually</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>We’re watching New York</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>You don’t have to be Spider-man all the time</p><p> </p><p><b>DD: </b>Go be a dumb twenty something with your friends for a little bit longer</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>You deserve a break, kid</p><p> </p><p><b>DP: </b>NYC doesnt deserve u baby. let it suffer w/o u 4 a lil while longer</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter rubs his thumb over his scabbing knuckles. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hey May?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May looks up from the mail tiredly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hmm?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Remember how we were going to change my name? Legally?” He asks hesitantly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May cocks her head to the side. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I remember.” She says softly. “We can still go. He wouldn’t– he wouldn’t want us to stop on his account.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Peter buries his head in his knees. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know. I just– I want a middle name.” He says to his jeans. “I want– I want to be Peter Benjamin Parker.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May doesn’t say anything for a long moment. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Would that– would that make you happy, baby?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He looks up, just a bit. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> May is– May is crying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It’s okay, though. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He’s crying too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah.” He croaks. “And I think it’d make him happy too.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Art by <a> Quinn!! </a> ily buddy even tho I bully you constantly bc you're small enough to yeet</p></blockquote></div></div>
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